Who is the Last Child?

5 Apr

My time is running short. I will soon fly from the coop and leave for college, away from my parents, where I can do as I please and they will have no reign over me, except for the Power of the Purse, and I guess moral obligation.

And so, like an ancient scribe striving to record his esoteric knowledge, here is my personal profile of who I believe–first hand– is truly the Last Child.

The Last Child:

Has at least two older siblings.

While younger, the last child will observe from a distance as the parents try their hardest to be good parents and not screw up on the first one. Typically parents are involved as much as possible, acting as a Helicopter parent for the first born. The middle child has their own set of struggles which are a lot more boring and blah blah blah nobody cares what the middle child has to say. And thus, the last child fills the down time and gaps of control of the older two children for attention, and trying to test the boundaries they have seen demonstrated.

Overall, last child is a foil to the older two siblings; for every action exerted by the older siblings, the last child has a reciprocated action.

As time goes on, parents begin to realize their parenting does not need to be employed in the same way to the last child. The last child tags along to countless youth sports events, ballet recitals, school plays, etc….

It’s only natural for the child to hate this, and they’ll probably have public tantrums and fits. It sucks.

Parents have completely given up on keeping their children sheltered from the world at this point, cultural osmosis has permeated the family, and the last child ends up seeing R-rated movies with their dad by age 11.

The last child overall strives to find attention, and highlights any injustice they face within the family. They will act along a strict set of developed principles of justice they believe…usually breaking them to fit their own desires.

As they get older, last children decide whether they are an introvert or an extrovert: either hiding from their parents refocused spotlight as the older siblings have aged and left. They can either take up arms against their parents or hide.

Guess which one I am!

Guess which one I am!


4 Responses to “Who is the Last Child?”

  1. sleeharris April 5, 2013 at 2:22 pm #

    #onlychildprobs my dad never leaves me alone…

  2. lwiseman April 9, 2013 at 12:32 am #

    Child psychologist…I see child/family psychologist in your future. Also, you’re really lucky. I hope you know that.

  3. parkerosullivan April 9, 2013 at 12:12 pm #

    Your sister looks like you with a whig on in that picture.

  4. olimauk April 19, 2013 at 11:52 am #

    I remember going to all the sports games. It was the worst. It was funny though when my sister scored on the wrong basket.

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