Archive | April, 2013


19 Apr

One of the worst parts of being a last child is that you have very little power.

My sisters are gone most of the time now, but I can not so fondly remember forfeiting the basement and TV to my sisters is they demanded so, and the idiotic¬†arguments¬†that followed: “I was here first.” “I was born first.”

One sister will return soon from college and apparently wants to snatch my vehicle away from me for whatever rationalization she is sticking to.

My parents haven’t really passed judgement on it, but I’m not going down without a fight. She has a functioning car, and I have a functioning car that I inherited after I was forced to dump my beloved Camry.

By the right of use, the car is mine, and I shall not swap simply because she demands it.


Who is the Last Child?

5 Apr

My time is running short. I will soon fly from the coop and leave for college, away from my parents, where I can do as I please and they will have no reign over me, except for the Power of the Purse, and I guess moral obligation.

And so, like an ancient scribe striving to record his esoteric knowledge, here is my personal profile of who I believe–first hand– is truly the Last Child.

The Last Child:

Has at least two older siblings.

While younger, the last child will observe from a distance as the parents try their hardest to be good parents and not screw up on the first one. Typically parents are involved as much as possible, acting as a Helicopter parent for the first born. The middle child has their own set of struggles which are a lot more boring and blah blah blah nobody cares what the middle child has to say. And thus, the last child fills the down time and gaps of control of the older two children for attention, and trying to test the boundaries they have seen demonstrated.

Overall, last child is a foil to the older two siblings; for every action exerted by the older siblings, the last child has a reciprocated action.

As time goes on, parents begin to realize their parenting does not need to be employed in the same way to the last child. The last child tags along to countless youth sports events, ballet recitals, school plays, etc….

It’s only natural for the child to hate this, and they’ll probably have public tantrums and fits. It sucks.

Parents have completely given up on keeping their children sheltered from the world at this point, cultural osmosis has permeated the family, and the last child ends up seeing R-rated movies with their dad by age 11.

The last child overall strives to find attention, and highlights any injustice they face within the family. They will act along a strict set of developed principles of justice they believe…usually breaking them to fit their own desires.

As they get older, last children decide whether they are an introvert or an extrovert: either hiding from their parents refocused spotlight as the older siblings have aged and left. They can either take up arms against their parents or hide.

Guess which one I am!

Guess which one I am!